Working With Your Spouse
Brian and I have worked together for most of our marriage openin various small businesses. For the past 10+ years we've been working side-by-side every single day running Five Marys Ranch, Five Marys Custom Meat Co., M5 Burgerhouse, raising four daughters, and more.
Communication, figuring out what works for you to resolve conflict, moving forward, and being on the same page takes a lot of teamwork, but the rewards are pretty awesome.
It’s really important to remember that your marriage is a partnership, and if you have children, they are a part of that partnership as well. Sometimes it can feel like all the duties and responsibilities around the house tend to fall on one person… the laundry, sweeping, washing, etc.
I get stressed and don’t do well when the house is a huge mess, and I sometimes need to remind Brian and the kids that. It doesn’t bother anyone else as much as it bothers me. I let them know that is one of my priorities. If I know we have some busy days coming up, we need to spend a couple of hours cleaning as a family because it needs to get done for my sanity! Everyone has to jump in and do it.
If you are in the throes of starting a business or you’re feeling really overwhelmed with not having enough time in the day - household chores may be one of the first things that you might outsource. It’s a luxury to spend that money, but sometimes it’s worth it to have someone help with certain chores that you are always dreading or don’t have time for!
Brian and I are very serious about the girls not expecting someone to come in and clean up their messes, but every other week we have a really nice lady come in and it just keeps everyone on track. We have a baseline that we know every other week the cleaning will be done.
Find whatever strategies work for you to keep your household organized and make sure that your spouse is involved in that. When we work together, everyone is happier and we live a better life.
Find Small Moments in the Day to Connect
When you are working together with your spouse as business partners, you are constantly running ideas past them. The one thing Brian and I try to do is have lunch together everyday. It’s not some fun lunch date - well, it is fun, but we’re both sitting eating with our laptops open! We’re talking about next steps, new projects, priorities we need to tackle, what he is handling, what I am handling, etc. Without these daily check-ins, the wheels start to fall off.
Even though we are together everyday, we can sometimes feel like ships passing in the night without our daily lunches or chore time discussions together. I will say that I find it much easier to talk about things when we’re focused and sitting down together, instead of bringing things up when we’re feeding cows or checking on animals.
My Favorite Marriage Rule…
My favorite rule for a strong marriage is that you always give 100%. Marriage is not a 50/50 thing. You meet halfway for a lot of things in life, but in my opinion, marriage is not one of them. Giving just 50% in a marriage is what leads to nit pickiness, or feeling jaded and resentful.
I believe that if you give your spouse 100% all of the time, you’re going to get 100% back from them. There are days where I’m not at my best, and I’m stressed and I’m cranky, and Brian will pick up the slack for me. Sometimes I might say things that hurt his feelings and instead of coming at me when I’m down, he lets it go. We might wait and talk about it later. But when I’m giving him 100% when he might not be having the best day, I might throw in laundry for him - well, I actually always do his laundry for him! But, I’ll do something that is a little extra nice.
Communication
When your communication is off, I think showing your partner grace is really important. If they say something that hurts your feelings, they probably didn’t mean it. There was most likely something else going on that was stressing them out. Instead of making it a big deal, stomping around, and ignoring them (which we all want to do!), just take some time to rethink it.
Give them some grace, move along for now, and bring it up later. It is important to talk about it at some point because you don’t want things to fester. You need to find the right place to communicate so you don’t start tallying things up in your head.
Date Nights
When you are working closely with your spouse, it’s almost like you’re tricked into thinking you don’t need to plan date nights anymore because you’re seeing them all of the time, but it’s so important to keep the romance alive! Find time to spend with each other when you put your laptops away and you’re just enjoying each other’s time.
For Brian and I that usually looks like grabbing a couple of chore beers and doing the rounds around the ranch without the girls, or walking up to camp together… anything that is not ‘working’ and is just us! It doesn’t have to be fancy! You could pull out a couple of lawn chairs and sit in the garage together, put something on TV that you both like, or drive together to pick up some take out for dinner.
Little things like this really fill your tank, keep you going, and remind you why you are married!
I’d love to hear the best piece of marraige advice you’ve ever heard or found yourself! Have a great week :)
-Mary